In May, I saw a client who had just been made redundant after twenty years with the same company. During our first session, the client shared that they were also in the process of getting divorced after twenty years of marriage; all these changes in the month before their 50th birthday. With three major life events happening in a short space of time, my client was looking for advice and support around how to go forward, stop mourning their past and create a more positive future.
Feel your feelings
The first piece of advice I gave was that my client should take time to feel their real, raw feelings; and I’d say the same to you. Embrace where you are now. Take time to feel sad. Cry. Rage. Reflect.
Feel how you are feeling rather than blocking it up, hiding it or pretending you’re OK. If you are finding it hard to open up or confide in friends or family, consider booking time with a professional therapist to help you work through your feelings.
Shift your focus
“It’s funny. No matter how hard you try, you can’t close your heart forever. And the minute you open it up, you never know what’s going to come in. But when it does, you just have to go for it! Because if you don’t, there’s no point in being here.” ― Kirstie Alley
The next topic I discussed with my client was that they could shift their focus; and that’s a good experiment for you as well. As soon as you feel able, you can start – little by little – to learn to see the world through a more positive lens. In this way, in time, you will be able to reframe the negative feelings you’re experiencing.
Whatever your age and stage of life, you can slowly learn to see your current situation not as a failure, but as a stepping stone to a new chapter and a positive future. If you think of yourself as being on an adventure (albeit one that may not have been your choice) it can be easier to cope. You have had good times and you will again.
Allowing yourself the time and space to think about what your future can look like without fear is very powerful. Why not give it a try?
In my next blog we’ll look at practical steps you can take to create the life you want after divorce.
‘Creating a positive future after divorce part 1 – first appeared on WWW. Stowefamilylaw.co.uk on 29th November 2018